Gender pronouns

Awhile ago when we got new nametags, we were encouraged to include our preferred pronouns (she/her/hers; he/him/his; they/their/theirs). I didn't want to, so didn't. In the past few days, I've been able to articulate more about this. My initial post about my thoughts is at: 
https://quakerlibn.blogspot.com/2015/03/my-androgynous-journey.html.

I definitely don't feel male, yet not totally female either, and not plural. Not cisgender or transgender. Identifying as androgynous, liking the pronouns per, per, pers (as in person), where does that leave me? It seems like when groups are trying to learn, being taught by transgender folks, there isn't always as much breathing space for people who, like me, don't really have a set of pronouns they use.

I've been told there are a lot of conversations in the online world about this but I haven't seen them.

Today I chose to annotate one of my email signature files with "we, our, ours" pronouns. Feels ok. Will see how it goes. (Note: lasted one day.)


4/1/19

I've still been struggling with the pronoun thing - I use "I/me/my" to refer to myself. When people address me, I expect "you, your, yours" unless you are a Plain Quaker, and then I listen for "thee, thy, thine." When we're discussing something, I hope for "we, our, ours." I don't feel plural "they, them, theirs," but I don't constantly think of gender either. I often think of myself as other, in-between but singular - androgynous - in my roles. If I want to direct how people refer to me when I can hear them (because I really don't care when I don't know), I'm ok with "she, her, hers" although the abbreviation for person works "per, per, pers" too. I wanted to make it clear that it isn't easy, cut-and-dried, for many of us, and the constant question about how I want others to refer to me is more bothersome.

Futher conversation welcome, here or elsewhere.

Gender Justice, Transgender Day of Remembrance

Cael Keegan spoke on "What Now? Gender Justice and the LGBTQ Movement After Marriage."

In 2014 there were 12 transgender people murdered. In 2015, there have been 22 transgender people murdered so far. Despite the news media focus on transgender issues, awareness is not at the "tipping point." Where is the coverage of the increasing transgender "eradication!" Why is it missing?

The Houston Equal Rights Ordinance that would have protected classes of people from discrimination based on 15 characteristics including gender identity and sexual orientation failed to gain enough votes because of an anti-trans ad campaign which focused on sex offenders in bathrooms. Cael named this an part of a continuity of anti-trans rhetoric and cited Michael Warner's book The Trouble with Normal and Susan Stryker's work, in which she makes the point that the abililty for transpeople to marry doesn't bring security: it is not equal to transgender rights and privileges because the marriages can be challenged and legally dissolved against the will of the married couple.

Cael pointed to neoliberalism and the current silence about the AIDS crisis, a silence which is "pointed and performative," having the power of preventing action. Lisa Duggan's book The Twilight of Equality? neoliberalism, cultural politics, and the attack on democracy states that since Reagan, the reduction of public health, welfare, etc., comes from the idea that the only "public good" is wealth and that those who fail have failed to manage their lives as if they were investment portfolios.

Prior to this time, there were 2 positives: Roe v Wade made abortion legal in 1973, and homosexuality was removed from the DSM. However, in 1976 the death penalty was reinstated, transgender was pathologized by being added to the DSM as "gender dysphoria" in 1980 and in 1981 was excluded from Medicare coverage. In 1985, gay men could no longer be blood donors. From 1986-96, sodomy laws were upheld, people with HIV+ status couldn't emigrate, "Don't Ask Don't Tell" became military policy, and the Defense of Marriage Act (DOMA) was passed; however these 4 were overturned from 2003-2015. In 1994, ENDA failed to be passed, and in 2007 GENDA, a trans-inclusive version of ENDA, failed. In 2008, there were 81,542 deaths from AIDS: where is our memorial, our permanent structure for public mourning and recovery? Why has no one been held accountable for this medical neglect?

The drive for marriage equality divided transgender people and people of color from lesbians and gays; it seems to have come as a direct response to AIDS, institutionalizing and removing radicalism. The erasure of AIDS became the erasure of brilliant and creative activists. Publicizing trans-positive organizations such as Transgender Gender Variant Intersex Justice Project, the Critical Media Project, and Fierce, helps to reverse silence and denial. Cael stated that we need larger societal reforms: prison reform, decriminalization of drugs, removing the death penalty, de-capitalization of the state, and de-gendering institutions which help people.

Gender Fluidity: sex, gender, & orientation

This morning I did my 2nd talk plus Q&A for 2 sections of Social Work 300 taught by Mirta Paola León, who is also the photographer of the exhibit Paya Lliklla, Las Tejedoras de Chari, Peru: Reweaving Tradition in the 21st Century. I was really nervous before the 1st one - preparation anxiety led me to do some research to answer student questions before the classes, combined with "coming out" anxiety. Both sections went well - I used the students' questions to prep, emphasized the suspension of judgment, lifelong learning, love. At the beginning of the 2nd section, the prof showed a 7-minute video from the MSU LGBT Resource Center on Sexuality and Gender 101. Really informative. (I thought, "but don't we have one from GVSU like that?" I found the GVSU LGBT RC YouTube channel, but most of the relevant videos are long, over an hour.)

I drew definitions from Gender Spectrum and Catalyst. I drew from my own life experiences, and referred to friends who have undergone sex reassignment. The prof talked about labelling transgender as "gender dysphoria" in the DSM V and we both talked about health needs, issues with choosing an intersex baby's sex/gender, lack of insurance coverage. I used some photos to give some visual understanding of fluidity and transition, historical norms and current cultural fashions. I answered questions, acknowledged the perspectives shared by students, and was, although nervous, unashamedly myself. Sex-assigned-from-birth as female and preferring pronouns she, her, hers, although identifying as androgynous; lesbian; married to another woman - never having believed that this would happen in my lifetime. Sometimes wearing men's shirts, sometimes women's - the differing quality of cloth and colors along with button placement and the stupidity of women's pants being side-zippered on the left. The difficulty of coming out, the changes in GVSU culture, challenging what "conservative Christian" means. The importance of introducing oneself with preferred name and pronouns as an opening to provide safe space for sharing self-identification instead of making assumptions or labelling. And today, about the Michigan Secretary of State's decision on changing gender on driver's licenses as backward, not inclusive. Derogatory vs in-group language and labels. Drawing inward physically and emotionally in order to hide from others, paralyzing anxiety, rage, suicidal depression about being different. And the stupidity of labelled bathrooms - I asked if any of them had grown up in a house or apartment or whatever with labelled, separate bathrooms. None had. So why do we have them in institutions? And as a British friend observed, why hadn't U.S. engineers designed bathroom stalls which truly allowed privacy instead of big gaps between frame and door, between floor and bottom of the door? Wow.

Afterward, I attended a talk by Adrienne Keene about stereotyping, colonizing/assimilating, and appropriating Native American culture - so many of the issues are so very similar to gender issues.

My androgynous journey

From the time I was very young, I never felt comfortable with "girl" clothes or activities. Skirts and dressed were uncomfortable, showed my legs, were impractical, but pants were for boys/men. I always felt alone, different, scared. I clearly was not a boy but a tomboy - and that term was often used pejoratively. I was athletic but cried easily. As a 9- and 10-year-old, I ran a mile every day before school, and ran the 50-yard dash for the school track team. When I wore shorts in the summer, my dad asked why my legs were so big - my runner muscles deemed "ugly." I never liked wearing shorts again in public until recently. Both growing up and as a young adult I only ever felt safe outdoors and alone, where I could be just me, no one watching or judging.

Puberty was a nightmare. I didn't have any role models. My flannel shirts hid my femaleness but also led to others mistaking my gender--I didn't like either "miss" or "sir." Being female meant I was vulnerable to rape: a constant lack of safety. Being "lesbian" meant I was afraid that every girl/woman would think I was trying to hit on them. I feared being victimized if I outwardly expressed femininity or masculinity.

Being post-hysterectomy is so much better. Even though I have gained weight and look more clearly female, I am happier now with my body. But, having survived childhood sexual abuse, I still have to set clear boundaries with others over and over.

In high school I started reading LeGuin, which helped me understand gender differently, especially The Left Hand of Darkness. In university, I read Marge Piercy's Woman on the Edge of Time, which used the androgynous "per" (short for person?) instead of he or she. That made sense to me. Later, Minnie Bruce Pratt's S/he and Barrie Jean Borich's My Lesbian Husband also helped me place myself.

When I came to work in GR in 1990, I was told by one lesbian not to come out until I was tenured, as her resignation had been demanded when she was publicly out(ed). She refused and fought to retain her position. One of my librarian colleagues told our director before he hired me, "You know she's a lesbian" in her judgmental and denigrating way, but he respected my privacy until I chose to tell him myself. In 1991, the university was discussing multiculturalism, which only included African-American issues, not other races/ethnicities and certainly not religion or lgbt. I asked to speak at the Faculty Forum and was reluctantly put on the agenda. The first few speakers were all white men who read their speeches (mostly anti-multiculturalism). I only had a few notes on one index card and spoke about the lack of representation of an invisible minority, both in books and in classroom discussions, passionately pleading for lesbians and gay men to be included in this definition of multiculturalism. The white man who followed me stood up and began to sing "Homo on the Range." No one stood up; no one called him on it; no one protested.

In the early 1990's, I volunteered at the LGBT Network of West Michigan. One of my friends came out as a female-to-male transgender man. I valued this friend, his confidence in me, and I learned through our conversations what this meant, as he learned himself. I learned to address and refer to him differently. I witnessed the difficulty he had with the medical system, without insurance, trying to get the right hormones. When he had the double mastectomy, I brought food and changed his drains, squeamish though I am, because he didn't have money for nursing care. When I read about feminist separatism, it did make some emotional sense to me, but not at all practical sense, as I had so many men friends. Michigan Womyn's Music Festival's policy of admitting women-biologically-born-women only was hateful to MTF transgender women, and it did not fit my views on equality. I joined Allies & Advocates at work, the LGBT Fungroup and later iteration Faculty & Staff Association. I became a convinced Quaker partly because of their views on the equality of all people and social justice activism trying to make the world better for all. When my wife and I became a couple, I experienced coming out all over again. But I faced my discomfort and fears, worked through them. Finally, these groups gave me a sense of safe community, where I am accepted as I am. And I keep learning, though other transgender friends, through my reading.

Lately I experienced an act of emotional/verbal violence in what was supposed to be a safe place and discussion, by someone who knows nothing of my story but who exercised his priviledge and power to label me, incorrectly, as "cisgender," i.e., born biologically female and identifying as female. His labelling was an act of aggression, trying to silence me. By labeling me instead of asking me to identify myself or asking for more of my story, he engaged in de-legitimizing and implicitly denying my perspectives, experiences, understanding, beliefs. No one stood up; no one called him on it; no one protested. And that motivated me to write some of my story here.

So here I am, an androgynous lesbian, an activist for most of my life. Setting boundaries, taking care of myself (with the help of wife, friends, therapist, psychiatrist), and hoping to challenge this man to learn to communicate nonviolently and facilitate difficult discussions without reacting with emotional/intellectual violence.

Indigenous North America

On December 3, 2014, I attended a forum on Gi-gikinomaage-min, a GVSU-Grand Rapids project of recording urban Native American experience, co-sponsored by the Kutsche Office of Local History and the University Libraries/Archives. I'd like to be a volunteer interviewer. This spurred me to continue learning:

 

In late December I watched a 3-part sports documentary, Iroquois Lacrosse, about the Iroquois Nationals (Haudenosaunee) playing in the 2014 World Lacrosse Championships, and then the dramatized version, Crooked Arrows, about the original, ancient game and contemporary players coming together as a team, developing both skills and Haudenosaunee character. The Nationals were not allowed to go to the Olympics because their sovereign passports were not accepted by Great Britain.

I just finished reading Unraveling the Spreading Cloth of Time: Indigenous Thoughts Concerning the Universe by MariJo Moore and Trace A. Demeyer, a 2013 compilation. Interesting, thought-provoking pieces. I loved "Tangled" by Kim Shuck, would like to read more by Odilia Galván Rodríguez, Doris Seale (a librarian who compiled books like A Broken Flute: The Native Experience in Books for Children), and Susan Deer Cloud, who has several books of poetry out. Update 3/1/15: I've read 2 of Deer Cloud's chapbooks: The Last Ceremony, and Braiding Starlight. She wrote a poem of local interest, called Stuck in Grand Rapids Airport, Our Words Make Peace Cranes.

I came across the book above when I met Siobhan Senier via some friends during Thanksgiving weekend. She is an English prof who specializes in New England Indigenous literature (e.g., Dawnland Voices: An Anthology of Indigenous Writing from New England and its accompanying website Writings of Indigenous New England). She recommended the author Tomson Highway, a Canadian First Nations writer, and said that I might start with Kiss of the Fur Queen (GVSU 4th floor PR9199.3.H472 K57). She also recommended David Treuer's Hiawatha (MEL). David and Anton Treuer are brothers, Ojibwe from Minnesota. I had already read Anton's Everything You Wanted to Know about Indians but Were Afraid to Ask, a greatly informative book, because he had visited GVSU in the fall semester but I had missed his talk. I had also already sampled pieces from Voice on the water: Great Lakes native America now edited by Grace Chaillier and Rebecca Tavernini; it is an Anishanaabe (Ojibwe) anthology project from Northern Michigan University's Center for Native American Studies in Traverse city.

I would like to read at least portions of In the Hands of the Great Spirit: The 20,000-year History of American Indians by Jake Page (GVSU 2nd floor E77.P14 2003), perhaps "We are still here": American Indians since 1890 by Peter Iverson and Wade Davies (2015) and That dream shall have a name: native Americans rewriting America by David L. Moore, Centering Anishinaabeg studies: understanding the world through stories (search for urban), Living with animals: Ojibwe spirit powers by Michael Pomedli, Anishinaabe ways of knowing and being by Lawrence W. Gross, and most definitely The queerness of Native American literature by Lisa Tatonetti. And Fighting colonialism with hegemonic culture: native American appropriation of Indian stereotypes by Maureen Trudelle Schwarz. Look for Michigan in Encyclopedia of Native American music of North America. Look at the last chapter of Imagic moments: indigenous North American film.

I read: Unsettling America: the uses of Indianness in the 21st century by C. Richard King. Amazing book, eye-opening. He discussed Blue Corn Comics' Peace Party, and from there, I found Newspaper Rock, a forum subtitled, "Where Native America meets pop culture."

Here is a searchable in English or Ojibwe pronouncing Ojibwe People's Dictionary, from Minnesota, Ontario, Wisconsin.

March 7: Reading The queerness of Native American literature by Lisa Tatonetti. Based on the film chapter, I looked for and watched several documentaries from this organization: Basic Rights Oregon (BRO), Our Families “Native American LGBT Two Spirit”
Discovered filmmaker Carrie House. And website Native Out.
Next to read: Sovereign erotics : a collection of two-spirit literature

AILCFH Conference Reflections

I attended the XXII Congreso de la Asociación Internacional de Literature y Cultura Femenina Hispánico, "De la Tierra al Ciberespacio / From the Earth to Cyberspace" November 8-10, 2012.

Prior to the conference, to help the GVSU onsite organizing committee, I had set up a "Subject Guide," a.k.a. Libguide, with links to the keynote speakers' books I had bought for the library (one of the organizers checked out the books and put them on display), the journal for the Association, Letras femeninas, and the keynoters' websites. I also passed along the request for library laptops for presenters to use. At the congreso, I met some newer GVSU Modern Languages Spanish department faculty, which always helps with liaising. I also met a friend from WMU, and made new friends.
 
Papers I attended: 

1. Lynn Healy (GVSU), "Remembering the Other: Hegemony and the Ethics of Memory in Peru." She spoke about reinterpreting "collective memory" in an archive of photographic images in terms of gender, Westernizing indigenous women, recognizing difference vs. homogenization. Prior interpretations have been a type of violence, undermining the women's defiance, demands for truth, fight for justice and freedom, agency, organization, and thus have reduced the impact of the photos.
2. Bernadita Llanos (Loyola U) spoke about political and problematic memory.
3. Constanza López Baquero (U of North Florida), "Realidades novelescas: De cómo sobreviven las mujeres en medio del conflicto armado en Colombia." She spoke about several films, such as Impunity: What Kind of War for Columbia? which shows the fight against invisibility and that the only way to possess memory is to transform experiences; Proyecto Rosa, which names those assassinated; The War We are Living; Violeta Cortometraje animado; Kilele; theatre such as Teatro la mascara; oral history such as Throwing Stones at the Moon: Narratives from Colombians Displaced by Violence. All of which stress the importance of women's voices. 
4. Keynote/Plenaria de Lola López Mondéjar: "De pintores, glaciares, esculturas, andróginos y Frankenstein" -- I'd like to read some of her essays in English, to be honest.
5. Ana Bellum (University of New Mexico) “Making the Tangible Intangible: The Reconstruction, Redefinition and Reclaiming of the Woman in Latin American Literature”
6. Maribel Colorado-García (GVSU) “La doble imagen femenina en dos autorretratos: Julia de Burgos y Rosario Castellanos” [poets]. Maribel is another newer faculty member at GVSU.
7. Anne M. Pasero (Marquette University) “A través de los años: La expresión del amor en la obra de Clara Janés.” Anne said that Janés is one of the most important and well-known writers, mystical, spiritual, using love as a paradigm instead of war (very Quakerly). She recommended an anthology.
8. Leticia Espinoza (Western Michigan University) “La construcción de la feminidad en Cuerpo Náufrago.” Leticia addressed the transgender Antonia-Anton, compared to Man Ray, Orlando by Virginia Woolf, and Shakespeare's Viola. We discussed masks, and I remarked that for the transgender person, the body itself is a mask.
9. Hedy Habra (Western Michigan University) “Niveles de recreación del personaje femenino en Travesuras de la niña mala”
10. Irma M. López (Western Michigan University) “La recreación como vehículo de afirmación subjetiva en El amor que me juraste, de Silvia Molina”
11. Karina Ortiz-Pacheco (Western Michigan University) “El pasillo expresión musical popular creadora de la imagenfemenina y su subversión en la obra Si tú mueres primero de Aminta Buenaño”
12. Keynote Address/Plenaria de Belén Gache: "Word Toys y Manifiestos robots. (Navegación comentada por la autora)." Gache reimagines other's words/works electronically. Amazing, interesting, radical mash-ups, such as word-flowers, birds that speak with a mechanical voice (a raven quoting Poe, for example), butterflies with literary quotes about butterflies, a plane which narrates stars' histories, names, and stories from different parts of the world, houses which narrate the dreams of those sleeping under the roof, a Second Life video, a word market.... Useful ideas to show students who are trying to understand and interpret poetry that to them seems "antique/ancient"--putting the poems into web 2.0 context. 
13. Keynote Address/Plenaria de Cecilia Vicuña: “Hilo de agua, hilo de vida” was performance art/shamanic ritual. She spoke about how the quipu represents cyberspace/the virtual worldwide web/the Dreamtime of Australian Aborigines/the cosmic umbilical cord. That "eye," "I," "yo," are the same, the identity of all who are living. That "I am" means "mismo ama" or "same love." That "in - formation" is a synonym for "universe" or "universal," as is also "word" ("palabra") and "sound."  She said that all poetry comes from the ancient silence. Vicuña is what I would call a "Machi" -- a Mapuche curandera/shaman, although she is "mestiza" or mixed-blood, not only indigenous, and grew up in the city. She said, though, that we are ALL indigenous to the Earth.

What I took away: better understanding of Latin@ cultures and literature and a renewed wish to spend my next sabbatical in Spain. What the Library gained: a better collection, donations of the speakers' books, a closer relationship between the Spanish department and library liaison, a liaison who is even more interested in internationalizing information literacy (in Spanish: aprendizaje informado, alfabetización informacional/ALFIN, alfabetización en información, o investigación bibliotecológica).

Constanza Lopez just spent a month in Ibague, Colombia, where Laura Arcila Villa is Decano Facultad de Humanidades, Artes y Ciencias Sociales in the University. Constanza's chair at N.FL was one of my favorite professors at WMU, Jorge Febles. It was fun to make connections like this. I was also interested when 2 of the presenters told me that they decided I had a Latina soul because when they spoke to me in English, I would answer in Spanish. I appreciated when they would speak English to help my understanding, but I was also there to absorb/be immersed in and "negotiate life" in Spanish. There were many words I recognized as having learned in the past but whose meanings escaped me (non-English-cognates), but with a few exceptions, speakers' words were clear to me, even if their meaning lagged behind.