I've had my gallbladder out & am making a good recovery. Just after my surgery, my wife was told by someone that my wife should go to that person's house to help her with her chores, to take my wife's mind off her own troubles. I found that particularly insensitive, as my wife was doing her best to run our household, take care of me, and keep her head above the water with her own inner turmoil. Did that person offer to bring us a meal or otherwise help us out? No.
A week later, this same person announced that she thought that certain folks should be making more effort to attend their committee meetings. She also denounced dual memberships in the sense of going to other meetings or churches -- which takes people away from our meeting -- and why can't that be done on Saturdays? (BTW, this is a person who is consistently late for M/meetings, who demands that others help her yet doesn't seem to make much effort to help others.)
I am angry, wanting to elder this person. Who is she to question our Meeting's discernment about memberships? I find strength comes from these connections, not diminishment. Why does she feel free to demand so much time & energy? Why doesn't she ever step up to the plate to organize the events she would like to see us doing?
I need help finding relief from my anger, and help finding compassion. I realize that I probably react so strongly because I would rather complain than act, & I see how this behavior is defeating both to myself & others. I have a hard time loving myself, let alone loving others as myself.