Wednesday, March 26, 2008

Tension

March 26, 2008

I’ve been praying that I might be filled with Spirit instead of hatred and my own will. It’s a tough business when I feel so threatened. I still wish that Pat Parker were still alive to make me laugh. I miss her dreadfully some days.

It was great to see my aunt & uncle, cousins, youngest sister, brother-in-law, and nephews last Saturday. It was not great to see mom, but I mostly ignored her. “I wish you would be more compassionate” said my sister. But she doesn’t know what an effort I do make. It has been 7 years since I understood what my nightmares, anxieties, and body were telling me. My mom’s dementia is increasing and seems worse each time I see her. I still have nightmares after she phones and when I anticipate seeing her. I try to give myself extra care.

Many of our friends have been giving us extra love & concern. They are touchstones, landmarks in a murky landscape. I’m deeply grateful.

1 comment:

Amy said...

Oh honey, all I can say is that I love you so much. Don't be afraid. I am here with you now.

In the words of Dame Julian of Norwich, 14th century mystic -- "All shall be well, and all shall be well, and all manner of thing shall be well"

http://www.worldprayers.org

It cannot be a coincidence that her feast day is May 13.